Induction insanity

3 days past due date.

The 'stretch and sweep' didn't work. The baby's head wasn't quite low enough to get a good hold of my cervix and therefore, no results. I am still terminally pregnant. Once again, I cleaned the apartment in preparation for nothing. Its cleanliness is starting to get to me. I feel like I live in a show home. I have the odd compulsion to throw things around, just to make it look more lived in.

So, as I've awaited going into labour, I've tried a good many things to get labour started. Some old wives tales, some supported by hard science. As a friend of mine said, these things seem to just keep a woman waiting for labour busy, more than bring it on in any fashion. At first this comment annoyed me, but here I am and I see the truth of it. So far I've tried:

1. Walking
I have walked high and walked low. Yesterday we walked through the Brick looking at couches (which admittedly turned into a lot of sitting, but the up and down motion must be good) and then cruised up and down EVERY isle of my favourite grocery store in forest hill. Yes, I have a favourite grocery store, and it's mostly because of the movators; slanty escalators that push your cart uphill from the underground parking. Awesome. Anyway, walking always seems to make my cervix hurt, and bring on a few contractions. Nothing really serious though.

2. Sex
I don't know what cruel scientist decided to test this and then publish the results that it helps bring on labour. Like a woman burdened with child really needs her husband to know about it. Ugh. But facts are facts, so they say, and even the midwife recommended it. Again I quote a friend in describing it as a 'kinky cirque du soliel'. It isn't pretty, it isn't comfy, and it hasn't yet brought on anything aside from a fit of giggles over feeling like a human pumpkin when I'm nude.

3. Spicy Food
I think that I had a few strikes against me for this one already since we consume spicy food many nights a week. Hotsauce has a place on our table next to the salt. I ordered the spiciest food they had at an Indian restaurant that I love. The waiter kept on checking on us making sure we were okay, stating that we were crazy and even he wouldn't eat something so hot. We broke a sweat, I had a few contractions, and then zilch.

4. Nipple Stimulation
I used my breast pump for this one. It did nothing except hurt. Ow.

5. Red Rasberry Leaf Tea
I've been drinking this since 36 weeks or so. It doesn't induce labour, but everyone operates under this false assumption. It is just supposed to improve the usefulness of the contractions. Admittedly, I've fallen by the wayside in my tea. But then again, I figured I would have this kid a week ago.

6. Evening Primrose Oil
Again, not meant to induce, but prepare the cervix for dialation and effacement. The midwife said I was 1cm and 30%, so I guess it worked?

So there you go. The conclusion I've come to? Natural induction doesn't work, and I probably won't waste my time if I ever have another overdue kid.