Flea Markets

We went to the flea market today. I used to love flea markets. All of these objects, out of time, out of place. Every single thing was purchased by someone once, seen as imoportant enough to pay for and take home. Even if its home ended up being in the bottom of a drawer, not to be seen again until a momentous occasion: a move, a renovation, a new piece of furniture, or a death. I used to delight in this. Now, as I pick through chipped figurines and stained plastic kitchen appliances, I am only reminded of how many things I own that I don't need. But there is a culture here, the flea market is more than just buy and sell. People know each other, there is a comfortable hum of familiarity. They come to buy things just to sell at their own table. And so, there are some objects that will remain in the flea market circuit endlessly.

When I get home, my eye is more critical. I look at my possessions like a shopper, and see that the only reason I keep some things are for the things they remind me of. Each book that I have read once, and never will again, is held onto because I remember where I bought it and when I read it. It is not intrinsically valuable, but I cannot bear to part with it. It reminds me of who I am, and what it took to get here.

I wonder about people who lead those aesthetically clean, design driven lives. I suspect white walls and a vinyl couch would cause me to forget myself.

the weather

I have decided, in the interests of my mental health, to stop checking the weather online. At all. What good does it do anyone, really? What kind of activity is it, to check the weather? One goes on, sees that it might rain, or be sunny. Then we feel preempretively happy or sad, all the while knowing that it could be completely wrong, so to cancel plans because of potential rain is really just a signifier that you didn't really want to do that thing anyway.

It's not worth it.

Anyway. It is the summer now, or so I'm told between rainstorms. As soon as a sunny day hits, I dash outside to the yard with Ender and we garden and talk about bugs and worms, and chase bumble bees. We walk aimlessly. In all this, I am trying to take better care of myself. I quit smoking in the new year, and quit coffee a month ago. I am avoiding gluten, which is apparently the secret ingredient which makes everything taste good. I miss all of these things, but have begun to really appreciate the energy and general well being that eating well affords me. I think once you've passed the age of that anesthetizing starry eyed syndrome that early adulthood affords most, more corporeal concerns come to the fore. When I feel good, I am a better mom, wife, etc. And can walk, and enjoy these glimpses of summer that we have received.

Currently, I'm st home taking care of my little boy and continuing to learn/improve my craft. I designed and drafted and sewed my mothers wedding dress, which turned out lovely and hope it fits well. Knitted my first sock, which also the first thing I ever knit from a real pattern. They follow an old world war one sock pattern that would have been used by women at home to ship socks to the boys abroad.I've also been beading, which has really become a lost decorative art, and I'm glad to be learning more about it. Ender is taking swim lessons with me as well. He begs to go, but once we take him there, he seizes up repeats "no no no" whenever the instructor tries to get him to move. Small progresses have been made, though, he kicks his feet, jumped in the water, and blows bubbles. I'm really enjoying the time we sound there, watching my little boy being challenged and dealing well with being a little out of his comfort zone.

Mike and I made an effort to be more social lately and it has been a verifiable success. We are making ourselves go out once or twice a week so that we stop being such home bodies, and it has been a lot of fun. Sometimes I just want to sit on the couch and watch old episodes of True Blood and surf facebook and knit, but forcing myself to go out always ends up making me feel better, and never worse.