Don't get me wrong, I'm glad I did it. Glad enough that I think doctors should be more clear about its benefits, just for coping with a crying baby. You can't overfeed a breastfeeding baby, your breasts just make the right amount for your child. So, if he's fussing, pop him on the boob. If he just plopped himself on his face, pop him on the boob. Sure, I was chained to a nursing cushion these last nine months, but our house was as quiet as a church on a Tuesday. I also know that we've had no tummy upsets, only three colds, and one fat, happy baby. The results speak for themselves. Breastfeeding for at least the first two weeks should practically be mandatory.
However, I'm starting to get really sick of it. Google 'tired of breastfeeding' and you'll get:
A. a woman's diatribe about how she breastfed her children until they were 5(!) years old, and that women get sick of bfing around this point because we were told we needed to do it for a year. She also claims we would get sick of being pregnant for nine months if we were told we only needed to do it for six. Fair enough Debbi, but not very helpful for the nursing mom who would rather claw her breasts off than do it for another 4 years.
B. a bunch of medical info on how breastfeeding can make you tired, due to not only caloric expenditure but nutritional expenditure. I guess that's pretty obvious, but while I've been trying to make up for calories I wasn't really thinking about vitamins. I have been feeling crappy lately (aside from this current cold I have) and I wonder if that's why. Anyway, not really related, and not very helpful either.
And finally, C. Forum posts about similarly tired women, who are starting to lose the faith in the thing that they have loved for so long, but are starting to get damn sick of. Most of these women are then barraged with comments (a lot of them from lactation consultants) saying they should 'stay the course' and take it one week at a time. Basically being told that this is the only real option.
I know the health benefits. I know the emotional benefits. I just want my body back.
I suppose it's superficial. I guess I'm supposed to martyr myself at this point. It's either breastmilk making up 75% of his diet or formula, and I just could NOT do that. Never. Ever. But I find myself daydreaming about weaning. Trying to get him to have just one more sip of juice, one more spoonful of food. I want to lose these breastfeeding pounds the way I know how. Caloric reduction. I want to go out for a day and not have to pump (I hate pumping with a passion) and worry whether he'll take the bottle. I want my boobs to go from DDs back to Bs.
I think the feeling may be mutual, too. I notice my little man (who sleeps in bed with me) hardly nurses at all at night now, preferring to be 'spooned' by me instead of being latched on all night long. He also has been wrestling through every feeding, which is likely the reason why I'm so tired of this whole thing.
In conclusion, my mantra shall now be: three more months, only three more months....